It seems like everything I touch just falls to pieces
It seems like everyone I help just falls
And how I need someone to make me feel assured
I don't need anyone if You're on my side, Lord

And I say, hey, who can be against me?

No matter how hard I try I always fail
I'll never be like Christ
I know I'll struggle until the day, the very day I die
And how I need someone to make me feel assured
I don't need anyone if You're on my side, Lord

And I say, hey, who can be against me?

God look at me, I'm just a man
But You tell me I'm not just a man
You're so hard to understand, after all I'm just a man
God you tell me not to doubt
But I'm always plagued by doubt
And You always help me out
I'm so ashamed (of my doubt)

so i have probably heard this song a thousand times. yet it still gets me. to the core it gets me. Especially that last part. I still have a hard time putting all of me into Christs saving grace i want to do it on my own. but i know i cannot. its hard i have relied on myself for so very long, i had to grow up pretty dang fast, i had to understand life too soon i think, i had a bastard of a stepdad he made sure of it, i dont feel as if i had enough time to just be a kid. i dont know, but i had to mature quickly and so i feel that is why i reject the hardcore maturity that comes with my age (my birthday was yesterday...21 now). its weird though all i want is to put my faith and trust in him unconditionally and i know i can i just cant let go...suggestions?

so im bored

Im so bored that i am writing a blog with out a cause, i usually have some life feeling or some super random thought that i want to share with the blogging community but this time im just going to talk. I just really really bored, its summit weekend here at the Cade, and its one of my lest favorite weekends in the lot of them. Punk high schoolers here to take up space. I hate it. all my friends are out whoring themselves the Cade machine, and i am sitting in my room listening to the Lost background menu music...its Hawaiian, speaking of Hawaiian i went to this place in the Clinton District of P-Town called Noho's its was amazing pricey but worth it. Gah im bored want to take some pictures but all my film is gone and i dont want to spend money on that right now. gah i want to blow up. thats it i guess. call me...

so i might get cynical...

Where does the misunderstanding come from,
demanding that we be outstanding and then some?
Perfection never was a requirement
although some might say we desired it.
So then for times when things get old I might get cynical
I see that I don't see.
Do they see you when they see me?

In honesty there's room for improvement
Thoughts may change, the truth be told,
A closed mind will leave you empty
Use your mind to use your soul.

Alert the press, their dogmas are a mess,
Opinions shift, a broken sift, an empty hand,
And billboards ask, 'where do they stand.'
Do all streams lead to one sea?

Logically there's room for all questions
Though the answers aren't all known,
Objectivities the myth of plenty,
Who doubt His truth within their soul.

I have a Dream...

so I haven't blogged in a very very long time. But anyways, So I'm in a place where I feel everything is fine. But I also have this eerie feeling this is just the calm before the storm. I don't know why I am so paranoid but I am. I also feel a bit lost at times, like I've loved being away for so long I don't know how to react to genuine people because I haven't seen them in so long. People really are lame, people will really let you down no matter what. I understand why God wants us to lean on Him and not on ourselves or others because we are bound to letting people down. I don't know anymore World Wide Web people suck, I have known this for a very very long time but I guess I still let myself hope that this world isn't as terrible as I see it, but then again I am let down. I do not understand people and their pettiness, why "Men" act like bitches, why "Women" are so snide behind each other, how people can just give up on dreams. Is this what we grew up so fast for? Is this really it? I can not believe that, for some reason I believe there is more. I really believe there really is more to me than there really is to me. (cheesy I know but move on.) There are no words to describe how scary that is to me, a life of monotony (<---I had to look that up to make sure I was using it right) God himself didnt want this for us, he gave us the spirit of desire for freedom and if we dont have it we go crazy and really lose sight of Him. I vow here and now not to let the pettiness of people the snideness of peoples pride and the deterioration of dreams contaminate my life. I will not sit to talk about differences in personality I will live mine, if I choose to not care about something let me not care, I dont make you, I will argue till the cows come home with you about it but will I care...no and i love it. ATTENTION TO THOSE WHO HAVE LOST SIGHT OF YOUR DREAMS...YOU POOR POOR FOOLS EMBRACE AND ACCEPT THEM FOR YOU LIVE BUT ONCE AND AT THEN END WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE AND YOU STAND BEFORE GOD AND ASKS HOW YOU LIVED YOUR LIFE FOR HIM YOU CAN SAY FULFILLED. Dream people just Dream